smell my finger.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
