So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
