Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i out mim tonsoeep
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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