I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
