i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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