And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
