laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
