He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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