I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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