so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
