saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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