How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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