6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
