I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
