I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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