can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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