remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
