My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Quick, to the slutcave!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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