Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
