The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
