i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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