I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
