Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
