i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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