Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
