Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
