were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
