she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm like, not good at living.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
