yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
