found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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