I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
