he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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