i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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