No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
