with your own penis?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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