i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
