it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
