I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
