i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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