I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
