and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
