My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
