I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
