is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
