You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
