he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
