My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
