i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
