and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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