Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
