I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
