I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
