her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
