Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
