we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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