never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
