Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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